The Anti-social Ferrero Rocher

I find myself mentioning St.Catharine's and Berlin really often. On the contrary, I don't remember talking about CUHK or the School of Pharmacy that much. It is likely because St.Cat's and Berlin are places where I have my personality molded and my values shaped. Following my sister's footprint is not fun. Entering the same school and giving up basketball for Girl Guides was my family's idea; and I didn't really care. I cannot say I have regrets because I have achieved a lot, learned a lot and made a lot of friends because of these decisions; but I wonder at times, what my life will be if I had always made my own decisions, even in my young age. I thought it was uncool to live my sister's life again. The path I took digressed from hers since F.5, when I left St.Cat's. Then I realized, although I have entered the same school and been engaged in the same extracurricular  activity, I have never lived her life. We are too different so one living another's life is just impossible.

I have liked Tim Burton since I was 9 and the very first character that caught me was Jack. The visuals did not impress me; the plot did not either. I was obsessed only because of the sadness and darkness in the film, and in this particular character. I was obsessed with pain and sorrow back then, which is also why I love the short poems by Time Burton about how malformed kids die. Some years later, Jack became very popular in Hong Kong. It has got so popular that pirated stuffed toys of Jack were everywhere. People hung Jack on their schoolbag zips and on their phones. I was annoyed. It has a lot to do with my arrogance. I doubted if people feel for the film like I do; to me, it was the only proper reason to like Jack. I quenched my admiration for Jack because I couldn't stand being considered as one of those who liked the character because it was cute. I couldn't stand being seen as superficial, although I knew at the same time, this was quite superficial in itself. Same story happened with many other things.

I'm glad that I don't care about it anymore. Being cool or not, being superficial or not. It is a relief; caring too much about how people think of you is exhausting and it drives people to live for others instead of themselves. However, I think it could be me getting old, like the dog I visited in Yuen Long which doesn not give a damn to anything. Maybe I am just too old to hiss.

Soon I will graduate (well, if nothing goes wrong...finger crossed!) and then I should take off. Where to though, remains a mystery. I don't think I can make a decision until the time really comes. I thought about going to East Europe with Anthony, to Europe with the EASes, to Australia with Hamster, to Tibet with Mandy or Libby, with St.Cat's girls to South East Asia, or to Scotland and join the festival with Stewart. All sound pretty nice but these are people's decision, not mine. I still need to figure out where I want to go for myself. Travelling with friends could be fun but lonely journey suits me the best. It is more important to be alone and away from HK than sticking with friends if I want to enjoy. I feel slightly stressed when I am around anyone else, even the closest one or the best friends. I like silence too much. And I like sparing my attention to new people met along the journey. This is the whole point of travelling for me.

More and more friends are complaining that I don't spend time with them. It makes me sad and drives me into even more anti-social mode. I spend time with the ones I like but I keep those I love and care close to my heart. And I am always here when you need me, dear, you just need to make a call or send me a message and let me know.

Whenever I finish blogging and read it again, I stop after 2-3 lines because my thoughts and writings are horrible. Why then am I still posting it out though? Well, I guess I want people to know how well I fit in the Gemini character.